FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL

I been a low effort student for a while. I was born naturally intelligent too quick for doing shit the right way and the street made me quicker. I say that to clarify that I was never sheltered, and my street smarts have always been my first instinct before anything I ever picked up in a classroom. And today niggas really had me thinking about my history in school because I just started a new semester. And in that ice breaker exercise where we all introduced ourselves, I’m the only student at this program in England who is not from a Southeast Asian country. So when I told my Indian professor I was from New York he laughed and said “he must’ve joined the wrong class by mistake.” And I have been faced with lighthearted racially insensitive humour like this for the entirety of the time I’ve been here. Much easier to tolerate than the direct microagressions and inferiority complexes I deal with on the streets of New York and other states, but it still stings. Mostly since, I have been struggling to feel like I belong in a classroom for my entire life. So to make that joke really triggered me in the sense that I already was quarreling with being the only Black person in this bitch. And for most of my childhood being the only Black kid with reputable grades (Black boy cause my sisters been kickin my ass in them books don’t get it twisted.) And I am the first man to graduate from college in my family (one of, I think it might be like 1 or 2 second cousins or some shit but I’m the golden child so niggas really only count me.) And I’m the only one out of all of my friends with a degree. Literally all of them. My childhood friends and my high school associates. So yeah, I been thinking I must be in the wrong fucking class cause I’m doing the unprecedented. Church to that shit nigga. Shit almost made me walk out. But behind all of my greedy ambition, materialism, and desperation to express my bravado through violence, womanizing, and manipulation I once again maintain the understanding that there is so much more out there for the likes of myself.

I’m quite atypical in the sense that I’m deadass a fucking genius. But I’m so smart in fact, that I have always maintained the knowledge that grades do not put food in your fucking stomach. And I realized that around 8th grade I’d say. In elementary school despite uncertain living conditions, circumstances, and a heap of trauma in different areas I had grades that reflected my natural intelligence and my mother’s resourcefulness as a teacher (we thank God everyday for that shit.) And I peaked somewhere around 7th grade, when my pops had that Benz I mentioned earlier and it seemed he was rolling in the fuckin dough so I was often rewarded for my good grades with Jordans, the newest Polo shit, and outings with street figures and rappers where I could experience what it was like to be a hood celebrity. It was simple math, I was incentivized to do good in school so I did. But in eighth grade, with a new addition to my small family, and some uncertain financial circumstances the Jordans stopped piling up as quickly and I finally hit that growth spurt I’d been begging for. So I was a bit distracted, while maturing in a way that left me more interested in girls and finding a way to keep up my image as the nigga with the fly shit than I was interested in school. So I got wise and started flipping my sneakers that didn’t fit anymore, good grades still but this was the start of my awareness that school could possibly take a backseat to real life.

I’m not gonna go year by year who the fuck cares. But by around 10th grade, I had been maintaining a light income flow of side hustles from selling old clothes and sneakers, shoveling snow, tapping the pockets of my fast money family members for some change here and there. And I was on the basketball team (benchwarmer) so I still kept some interest in school because of that. But after I realized going to the league was virtually impossible for me considering I was like 5 foot five on a good day I decided enough was enough and school could suck my dick. Then that shit really got put on the back burner. Of course I started with getting a job, I’m logical enough as it was. Just wanted enough for a new pair here and there, the shit I couldn’t ask my parents for. But one job wasn’t enough for the shit I wanted, or for my ambitions. I was tryna start a business and shit really take it to the fucking top. I was managing my right hand man who thought he wanted to rap at the time. I had a revolving door of jailbirds showing me different ways to make money and cause chaos. This shit ain’t Drake and Josh nigga working at the mall ain’t enough. So I spent the remainder of my high school days doing whatever I could within reason to make money, real fucking money. And I did my homework at school and used Google every time I took a test. Fuck if they had ChatGPT I woulda got all A’s you shittin me?? I wasn’t cutting school everyday like most of my comrades, but I was truant enough to hear bullshit from my parents when I got home from time to time. I was in advanced classes in middle school so I got out earlier than everybody in highschool. But that ain’t early enough if niggas skipped the whole day, fuck I look like going to them last two classes. And the bank close early I had to make sure that shit was reading so as soon as the bread freed up I’m out the side door (the one by the cafeteria you know.) And that depression had a nigga up til 2 or 3 AM some days so if you thought I was making it to Pre Calculus (first class I ever failed) for 7:25 AM you was smoking heroin jack. Probably never made it to that shit on time. Luckily for me I had a good start in school and I’m a pragmatic type so fucking up for me is really like a high C or a low B average. And like I said I was in advanced classes so by my senior year I virtually just went to school for fun. So I pulled it together enough to get to a top school one that rings bells you know. Which just goes to show my true potential. I mean I see niggas with scholarships and all of these crazy prodigy stories and inventions and accolades. And I’m like shit maybe that coulda been me if I didn’t start smoking weed and drinking at 15. But then I remember them niggas ain’t have Margielas in high school like me so fuck thattt. And they def wasn’t getting no bitches.

It took me a minute to learn cause in college I did the same exact fucking thing. And that level of freedom was even worse you definitely wasn’t catching me in class like that on the real side. I was damn sure cheating on every test and if I was in class it’s a 99% chance I was watching YouTube videos about Alpo son beefing with niggas over his dad being a rat. And the history of Mase getting ran outta Harlem by Baby Maine. And obviously money was my first priority when I’m a grown man on financial aid so yeah when I wasn’t doing that I was being of service to myself and copping fly shit just to act like I was too good to go to parties. But somewhere around 20 during my worst semester of all time where I was at risk of academic probation I bumped into this one little lady (remember I said my sisters been kicking ass with the grades.) And she showed me how much I was wasting my potential. So I got it together. Learned how to hustle and still make it to class. And I turned out decent enough on the school side.

So yeah I probably did end up in the wrong class cause niggas not really welcome in this class. But as a direct descendant of God I find that my physical representation is not enough to hold me back from achieving the unachievable. In fact I’ve never let it do that, so I won’t start now. And I got some folks on the countdown, a couple still fighting. I’ll see y’all all real soon. I made a vow to stay in school til my folks come home from school. Two degrees later you shittin meee. Peace.