I keep ignoring my demons and my responsibilities and my obligations and I’m spending my time writing and recording and I’m drowning in this shit. Drowning son. Got Jimi Hendrixx- Freedom playing right now. It’s time for me to start getting paid for this shit. I hate everything I write one day and love it the next. I used to be late to work and school every day not giving a fuck. I just wanted to write. I’m doing better now. Still getting drunk every weekend before I self destruct where is my life gonna go? How I’ma get outta debt? Comparing my situation to niggas in prison ain’t working as much as it used to. I feel behind even when I’m still ahead. Ahead of everything I know. The hood miss me they’ll roll the red carpet out in front of me if I come back. But maybe not. Maybe they resent me now. Maybe they unimpressed. Thought I had more going. Fuck if I know. It’s time for me to start getting paid for this shit. Back to time stealing and living on the edge. Grifting the grifter that’s how I look at it. The hustle never ends. I just wanna write record get high put that new shit on. I need a Rolex by my 25th birthday son fuck. When I was 15 I made a Facebook post and said if I’m not a millionaire by 25 I’ll kill myself. I meant that shit too at the time. I thought it was easy. Truth is it is just as easy as I thought, I just didn’t realize who I’d have to become to be one with such ease. That I’d be unable to look myself in the mirror. Or look anyone I love in the eye. So it ain’t that bad. I’ll accept the low opinion of my work and dissatisfaction I feel because I use money as my self worth measuring stick. That shit fickle I’ll get over that. Being a slave for a million nah I wouldn’t be able to live with that. I’ll take my time it’s gon be here one day. Enough to feed the team. Niggas think I’m on here being a caricature of a nigga. Funniest joke I heard this year. If only y’all knew what really go through my mind. Shittin me I need a Rolex by my 25th birthday I don’t know how I’ma get it but I am. Damn this like my 16th birthday when I wanted them Raf Simons I was going up to that Summer Youth Office every week tryna see what the fuck is up. It worked out. This book layout so tedious I need an assistant. My girl my secretary at the moment only little skirts during work hours. Let me chill. These dicksuckers talking bout some final reminder for my overdue tuition fees just tryna scare me or something. Shit is crazy I’m ignoring my pops phone calls when I need his help. Too much in my mind. Yo Amiri Baraka was really bout that gunplay this really my favorite author of all time how the fuck I just found out about him. Shoutout Jersey son. Gotta figure something out fast. I been around the world. I applied for mad grants last year got denied for every one they could all eat dick though. Ain’t seen a pen like mine yet in any of them publications that denied me. What Stack say? My music it been right. You was listening wrong. Yeah I like that. Far Rock Saviour gave me the game I’m the whole hood saviour every ghetto gon know my name. A few already do. Not Magnetic tho my government name the one that got my face card good in every borough. On the phone with my pops now just heard him order a pack of Russian Cream Backwoods and I’m tight they don’t sell Backwoods out here wtf. He said we gon get to it though and I believe him. Real soon.
